And Finally... Thing #3

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Picture this:

You wake up in the morning. You cough a few times, and a little phlegm comes up. You hardly notice and swallow it, willing yourself to find the energy to move out of bed. You crawl out, walk out of the bedroom, and quickly find something to drink - you know it'll be painful otherwise. 

Unfortunately, you don't reach the kitchen in time. The coughing begins again, only this time, you can't suppress it. It won't stop. And you're not even coughing anything up! Next thing you know, you're desperately swallowing air, trying to keep from throwing up the contents of your stomach. You fumble through the cabinets for a cup as you're still trying to control your body. You quickly run it under the sink - oops, the water was on warm (no time to worry about that now) - and take a swig of the lukewarm water.

Your chest depresses, your shoulders relax, and your breathing slows a little. You might still cough, but for whatever reason, it's controlled now. And now you're out of breath from walking to the kitchen.

You lean on the counter for support. You huff and you puff, but there's very little respite besides waiting and hoping your heart rate and breathing slows. A few minutes later, you've caught your breath enough to make some coffee. At least this part of the day isn't so bad...

Sounds rough, right?

It is.

That's life as usual with my lungs. And that's only the first 10 minutes of the day.

So without further ado, I introduce Thing #3 to you...

Thing #3 is... Primary Ciliary Dyskinesia.

Ugh. My misplaced heart sinks a little just typing it.

I know, I know. You're scratching your head again. Hopefully, you've already read about Thing #1 and Thing #2. If not, you really should. They much more upbeat and fun. If you've already read about them, though, you should have figured out that all of this is too wacky for anyone to make up. I do, indeed, have three diseases that any spelling bee champion would be proud to spell: situs inversus, hydrocephalus, and primary ciliary dyskinesia.

Now if we want to get technical, doctor's actually describe the combination of Thing #1 and Thing #3 as Kartagener Syndrome (which is a lot easier to say and spell). Statistics say that approximately 10,000 people in the United States are living with this diagnosis. However, not nearly that many people have actually been diagnosed. The backwards heart and organs is pretty obvious. The lung disease? Not so much.

Primary Ciliary Dyskinesia (PCD) is, quite frankly, a pain in the butt. The overly simplistic way that some doctors may describe it is that it is similar to Cystic Fibrosis (which a lot of people have heard of). However, that's just not true. PCD is not CF. However, because PCD is so stinking rare, it's treated like CF, because that's all doctors know how to do.

The best way I know how to explain PCD is as follows. Basically, you have little finger-like entities all over your body called "cilia." These little fingers work to keep things flowing. Unfortunately, my cilia are dysfunctional, sluggish, and just don't work right (for whatever reason). As you can imagine, this is a problem.

Because these fingers in my lungs don't work, my lungs collect mucus. Lots and lots of mucus. Buckets worth, I'm sure (though I've never coughed up that much). And as this mucus collects, infections occur. And then my lungs get sick, get damaged, and I can't breathe. Throw a little asthma in there, and breathing becomes really fun.

Treatment is, in a word, stupid. I'm grateful for the great doctors I have, and they take great care of me, but much just isn't know about how to treat this disease. It's so rare that research on it is difficult, and therefore, treatment is usually just a hit and miss sort of thing. Here's a taste of what I endure enjoy every day for my lungs:

First of all, there's this little toy. This bad boy is called a nebulizer. You might have seen one (or even used one) before, because they're often used in hospitals and emergency rooms to administer breathing treatments.

Basically, what happens is I put a little vial of liquid into the canister you see here, and the machine turns it into a vapor that I can inhale. I am able to get more medicine into my body this way, as opposed to using inhalers (though I do have a few of those).

Here, you can see boxes of two out of the three nebulizer medications that I take on a daily basis. In fact, I have to take all three medicines twice a day, minimum. Three to four times on a bad day. And let me tell you, that time adds up quick. On average, I spend an hour a day doing breathing treatments.

The breathing treatments actually help a little, mostly because they're designed to aid my asthma (which people actually know how to treat). The medicines pictures here are combined into the nebulizer and really help my breathing for an hour or two after I take them.

The other medication I use is actually used for people with CF, but it seems to help my PCD, too. It thins out the mucus in my lungs, making it easier to cough up. However, that's the hard part: actually getting the mucus out of my lungs. It requires a little work, because it doesn't just magically appear, turning itself over to be disposed of (though that would be awfully nice!).

Instead, I get the pleasure of being beaten to a bloody pulp twice a day for twenty minutes (and more on a bad day). The instigator? This thing you see pictured to the left.

I like to call him Thor.

Affectionately so, of course.

Thor is a good friend of mine. He's been in my life for over 10 years, though he recently got an upgrade. Basically, what Thor does is he pumps air through the tubes you see in the picture into a vest (which is on top of the machine). The vest is strapped onto my body like a life-jacket. The air pumps in, it beats me senseless for twenty minutes, and I hope it helps.

My wife has all sorts of amusing descriptions for Thor. However, I think Thor probably deserves an entire post of his own, so I'll let him rest... for now.

This is a lot to digest, I know. Just stick with me a few more minutes.

To be frank, I hate Thing #3. It sucks. Or doesn't suck, I guess, because if it sucked, it would mean I could breathe...

Thing #3 wouldn't be such a problem if it could be aggressively treated. However, this is the Catch 22 of my marriage. When we were wed, we lost our health insurance. And ever since then, I haven't been able to get it because it's either too expensive or it won't cover my diseases.

Now trust me when I say I wouldn't trade my marriage for anything. However, not having health insurance is a pain in the rear. I can't see specialists, I can't afford treatments or certain diagnostic tools (such as CT scans), and therefore, Thing #3 only gets worse.

I know, I know. I need to get off my bum and get a job. That's what most people think when they hear about people without health insurance. That's the problem, though. My lungs are in such bad shape that I can't work full-time. I'm barely hanging in with my internship, and that's a job where I sit all day and only move when absolutely necessary. And even then, I hack my lungs up a few times a day.

There's really not much I can do about it right now, honestly. I'm currently applying for disability at the ripe old age of 21 (I was already denied once when I was 19) and praying for the best, but I know that the government isn't supposed to be my savior.

However, my mother-in-law, in her infinite wisdom, thought of something I should have come up with more than a few years ago. She has set up a health fund in my name.

Now let me say this, first and foremost. I am NOT a charity case. I hate the thought of ever being paraded around like someone who is helpless and can't forge their own way in life. However, I also know that there's pride in me about this that doesn't need to be there.  

That is why I'm telling you about this.

My mother-in-law has set up a Facebook page where she keeps everyone posted on how I'm doing and stuff going on with Thing #3, and I'd love it if you would check it out. Just search on Facebook for "Adrian Waller Health Fund." Or click here to request to be part of the group.

I'd love it if you'd join, just to keep updated on how I'm doing. And if you feel able to help financially, I wouldn't argue with you. We have a bank account setup called "Adrian Waller, Medical Expenses Fund," and I use the money to help pay for appointments with doctors and medicines (which add up a lot faster than you think). If you're interested in helping out, but have questions, you can send me an e-mail at (awaller1990@gmail.com), and I'd be glad to answer any questions you have.

Basically, though, I'd just love it if you prayed for me. Life is hard. Very, very hard. It's hard not to be able to do things that normal people do. It's hard to not be able to walk without wheezing. It's frustrating to me that my condition keeps me from doing things I love: sports, singing, and sometimes even writing. But I know that God is taking care of me. He wouldn't have allowed me this far only to let me shrivel up and die. So I'll keep fighting, because I know I'm alive for a reason, even if living is hard most days.

Thanks SO much for caring enough to read. Please, please, please share this with your friends. It would mean the WORLD to me.

Introducing Thing #2

I was shocked yesterday morning when I looked in the mirror and there weren't sharp objects protruding from my head. I swear that was the worst headache I've had in 5 years.

In lieu of the fact that I woke up with invisible knives sticking out of my head, I'm going to move my Time for Honesty to Saturday so I can introduce you to Thing #2. You really should feel privileged.

Why? Because Thing #2 is awesome. Maybe not as awesome as Thing #1, but very, very close.

Thing #2 is one of those things that you tell people about and their jaws drop, like in the cartoons. So if this happens to you, please don't blame me, because I've warned you.

The second secret I'm sharing with you, Thing #2, is....

I have a tube in my head!

For real?

For real.

And I'm not just talking those little tubes they put in your ears when you're a kid, either. I actually have one of those, but nobody really cares about a two inch piece of plastic shoved in a bunch of earwax.

I have a real-life stinking tube in my head!

It actually runs from a spot on the top of my skull, down and back behind my ear, down my neck, across my chest, and into my stomach. Or so I'm told.

It's cuh-raaazy.

I know, I know. It's too much to handle. My heart is in a funny place and now I'm saying I have a tube in my body. On my brain, even. I've gotta be fibbing.

Well, I wish I was. I mean, mostly because having a tube in your body is just weird.

But also because of the reason I have the tube. You see, I have another disease, and this one is as equally frustrating to spell as situs inversus. It's called hydrocephalus.

Basically, the gist of it can be found in the meaning of the word. It literally means "water on the brain." So, thankfully, this tube reminds me daily that I have not actually lost my mind. It's there. Just with some good old-fashion H2O. Good stuff.

It doesn't sound so bad, really. And it's not. But it would be if I didn't have the tube (called a shunt). You see, an excessive amount of fluid collects on my brain. In normal people, it drains. However, that's the purpose of the tube for me. If I didn't have the tube, fluid would continue to collect and collect, and eventually, my brain would keep swelling to the point where I wouldn't be able to function as a person any longer and would eventually die.

Thank God for modern medicine.

So now, instead of having the world's largest, most useless brain, I have a rather normal-sized head with a tube inside (it's so weird!).

Unfortunately, things aren't always peachy, like with my situs inversus. You see, because the tube doesn't actually belong in my body, it breaks from time to time. And by time to time, I mean it's broken in some form or fashion 4 or 5 times over the last 20 years (I lose count pretty easily). One time, it broke twice in the same year during elementary school. That was pretty fun, because I got cards from all of my classmates.. twice!

When the tube breaks, bad things happen. Yesterday, when my head hurt so bad that I couldn't blog, it was just a glimpse of the sort of pain I endure when my shunt messes up. Not only would I not be able to blog, but I also wouldn't be able to move. Or to see. It's the pain of every headache you've ever had, rolled into one massive head pain. Add in a dose of major light sensitivity (to the point where I would hide under blankets on our way to the hospital), and you have an idea of what it's like.

Yes, it sucks.

But I survive. And I get to live a mostly normal life. Maybe having 5 surgeries by the time you're 20 isn't considered normal, but I'd say it hasn't been that bad. It could definitely be a lot worse. But, for the most part, Thing #2 is something I enjoy telling people about, because I love hearing their remarks.

I also love making people touch the tube. It's just chillin' right there on my head. There's a scar. You can see it if you look closely. And you can even press it in! There's a spot on the tube that is like a button that helps me to know if the tube is functioning correctly.

It was a very cool way to hold a girl's hand when I was younger. Unfortunately, the wife didn't fall for my trick.

Now, it's just fun to use it to make people squirm.

So there you have it! You now know about Thing #1 AND Thing #2. But, unlike Dr. Seuss, I have one more surprise. Check back soon to see what it is!

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Introducing Thing #1

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Can I share a secret with you?

It's pretty interesting.

But I'll only tell you if you promise not to laugh.

In fact, I want to share three secrets with you. We'll call today's secret "Thing #1," mostly because I love Dr. Seuss.  

So without further ado... Thing #1!

Let me just put it this way... My heart isn't in the right place.

I came to this realization one day during the many drives we have made across I-70 into and through Kansas City. There's a huge billboard along the interstate that says, "Is your heart in the right place?" I saw this, thought briefly, and quickly answered, "No!"

What on earth am I talking about, though? My heart isn't in the right place? Does that mean I torture penguins in my spare time or steal from orphaned children in order to give back to the rich?

Tempting, but not so much.

When I say my heart isn't in the right place, I am being 100% literal. It just isn't in the right place!

At this point, you're probably scratching your head a little. Don't worry. When I told my small group this, they thought I was making it up. I'm still not sure they believe me. But seriously - my heart isn't where it's supposed to be!

And so here, I cordially introduce you to Thing #1 - Situs Inversus.

Thing #1 is by far the coolest medical condition ever. Basically, the gist of it is that all of my major organs are mirrored, or flipped around. So my heart is on the right side instead of the left! If you want more details, you can check out the ever-so-official Wikipedia page.

I love Thing #1 because it means I got to be completely different than anyone else I knew when I did the Pledge of Allegiance at school as a kid or when I sang the National Anthem. Some of the teachers would give me dirty looks for putting my right hand over the right side of my chest instead of the left, but I stood my ground, poised to show them that, though I was a little weird, I wasn't weak. I wasn't going to pretend to cover my heart where it wasn't!

I know, I know. It's a lot to take in at once. You're probably still waiting for me to say "JUST KIDDING!" But I promise that isn't coming. My insides are all messed up, and I love it. It doesn't impact my life in almost any way, except when I forget to tell doctors and they freak out after an x-ray or trying to find my heartbeat.

Yes, I sometimes don't tell them on purpose. It never gets old.

So, between you and me, that's definitely something about me you probably didn't know. Let's just call it our little secret, alright?

Do you have any weird quirks about you that you love to share about? Funny things you can do? Weird talents you have? Let me hear about them in a comment or in an e-mail!