Still

We only have a week left in our internship, which is pretty bittersweet. We love what we're doing and don't want to quit, but know we have to in order to finish what we've already begun at school.

Wow.

It's been a long week.

Am I the only one feeling that right now?

Regardless, if you're reading this, you've made it to another Friday. Through another week.

This has been one of the hardest weeks of my life, if I'm being honest. More on that later, though.

For now, it's Friday, and therefore, one of my favorite moments of the week: Five Minute Friday!

If you're new around here and aren't sure what that means, I'd love to let you know. Here's the low-down on FMF. Three simple rules:

1. Using the prompt given, write for 5 minutes flat, unedited, unadulterated.

2. Link back to the original Five Minute Friday post, because, well, why wouldn't you?

3. Encourage the person who linked up before you with a kind-hearted comment.

Simple enough, right? I'd have to agree. And now, for today's prompt...

Still

Ready? Set? Go!

This summer, I've sucked at being still. We're always on the move. Always on the go. Moving from one place to another, completing some task or some other. It's frustrating, really, because I know that what my heart is yearning for right now is stillness.

I love being still. I don't do it well in a literal sense, for I shake on a regular basis because of my medicines and my lung disease. Call me a druggie if you will, but I definitely live with the shakes. However, that doesn't mean that I don't love just sitting, stopping, and simply being.

One of the most powerful things that I've ever done is a Retreat of Silence. We took something like 3-4 hours and spent it alone, silent, and still out in God's beautiful creation. Thankfully, the heat wasn't as blistering that fateful summer three years ago, so it was much easier to be still in the sun and be flooded by God's beauty.

Oh, how my heart yearns for that stillness. I need it. 

And so, though it's not conducive to blog-writing, I'm using the remainder of my 5 minutes to do exactly what my heart longs to do: be still.

...

STOP!

That was refreshing. Even if just for a couple of minutes.

Your turn!

When was the last time you were still? Have you ever been purposefully still? Or is this something you haven't heard of doing before? Give it a try!

I'd love to hear from you about this (or anything else)! Drop in with a comment or shoot me an e-mail! 

If you enjoyed today's post, please feel free to find a way to follow Life Before the Bucket and share it with your friends! 

Changing the World

I had a breathing test the other day. I'm not really sure if I should be excited about 26% lung function, but I am!
 
I love hearing people's stories.

I desire to hear other people's thoughts.  

I guess that explains why I want to be a therapist in the future.

It's simply amazing to me how one person's individual reflections can spur on my own thoughts and push me to become more of the person I was meant to be.

This happened a few weeks ago. And it was quite frustrating, in fact.

I was reading a blog that I love, written by a friend named Stephanie. It was this post, specifically, that got me thinking. The title of the post is "I want to write a novel and become famous." And within the post, Stephanie reflects on various desires she has. One desire she expressed resonated with me, though:

It would be nice to be a hermit and read every book ever written (perhaps the size of the Beauty and the Beast library - full - of books), but I am also addicted to my computer and film, music, art, and to a certain degree, knowing what is happening in the world.

You see, I'm a reserved person by nature. And though I've been told that this is apparently "something to work on" by some, I know that I am who I am because God created me to be as such.

Naturally, then, as a reserved person, the idea of being a hermit appeals immensely to me. Don't mind the fact that I'm married to the most wonderful woman I've ever met. She could live with me in my hermit-life, I suppose (though that may be breaking some sort of hermit "code of conduct"). I realized something, though, as I read Stephanie's thoughts.

I want to enact change in this world. Big, small, or hardly noticeable. I want to change the world and change the lives of the people living in it. Unfortunately...

You can't be a recluse that changes the world. 

It just doesn't work that way.

So I fight against my nature to hide on a daily basis. I struggle with my mind's desire to remain hidden because I know that I am alive for a reason - God would have arranged otherwise long ago if that wasn't the case. I know that I am not alive today to become a hermit and disappear.

No, I'm here to stay, my friends. I'm here to make a difference. I'm here to change the world.

What about you? How do you dream of changing the world? What sort of change to you hope to bring by the time your life is complete? Would being a hermit jive with your dreams?

I'd love to hear from you about this (or anything else)! Just leave a comment or shoot me an e-mail!

P.S. If you liked this post, pleas share it with your friends! And if you haven't yet, be sure to find a way to follow Life Before the Bucket!

I'm Not Over It

This post is part of my weekly Time for Honesty. I do my best to share something that's on my heart that is honest, sincere, and transparent - something that will get you thinking and get you to be honest with yourself.

On Sunday, it will have been three years. For anyone that's counting, that's  1,068 days. Or 25,632 hours. Or even 1,537,920 minutes. Heck, let's even say it will have been 92,275,200 seconds.

Three years is a long time when you look at it like that.

It was three years ago that I tried to call my dad and got an operator because his phone was disconnected.

Three years ago that my older younger sister, Scarlett, randomly asked me, "Do you think Dad is dead?"

It was three years ago that I witnessed the most horrific scene of my life as my grandparents delivered the news.  

One thousand, sixty-eight days ago on Sunday, my dad passed away.

Since that day, I've learned a lot from my dad. More than I ever did while he was alive.

As I was asked to speak at his funeral, along with my beautiful sisters, I was forced to think about him. To wrestle with the reality of his sudden departure. To contend with the fact that I had just made a pact with God to reestablish my relationship with my dad.

When his funeral came, I spoke without notes. Why would I need notes to talk about my father? I spoke of his passion. I quipped about the fact that I wouldn't just get a tattoo in his memory and move on. I exhorted those present to not let that day go to waste - to remember my dad through the way they live. To live with passion, as he did.

Now before you get the wrong idea, my dad was no saint. He was a messed up guy. I'm not one to idealize a dead guy, so I want you to know that now. He drank mightily. We still find bottles around my mom's house from him - and he didn't even live there. He was passionate, but boy howdy did he do some stupid stuff.

On Sunday it will have been three years. And clearly, I'm not over this. I am not "over" the death of my dad, and I am okay with that. I don't want to be. Mourning is a process, and maybe it's one that never ends. Maybe it's not as cut and dry as we want it to be. Maybe, just maybe, grieving has no end, as hopeless as that sounds. And that's okay.

Again, though, I may be misleading you. For I do not grieve as one without hope. Instead, I mourn my dad's death as a part of the brokenness of this world. There are so  many injustices, so much pain. And my dad's death is among that hurt.

For now, then, all I can do is heal. Myself. Others. This world. I cannot be reunited with my dad for now (and will I ever? I don't know), but I can share his passion with the world around me. And I can remember him. I can mourn my loss. I can yearn to visit his grave site, if only to get a glimpse of his face on that marker that designates his place of burial.

I'm not over his death. Quite possibly, I never will be. And that's alright. And no, I won't "get past it" or "get over it" someday. I never want to be over it because I want to remember. I want to remember how precious each day is and remember how passionately I'm called to live.

For my dad.

For the people I love.

For my God, who is healing me, and will be until the day I pass on to a place I call home.

Have you experienced anything like this in your own life? Death is a tender subject, so please share with discretion - pain is as personal as you want it to be.

I'd love to hear from you about this (or anything else)! Leave a comment or shoot me an e-mail! 

And if you enjoyed this post, please share it with your friends - it would mean a lot to me. 

Not Quite a Bucket List

Today I'm featuring a guest post from one of my closest friends, Bekah. She's a great writer and an inspirational person, as her blog will testify. Leave her some rockin' feedback and check out the other stuff she's written while you're at it!

Not Quite a Bucket List

A bucket list.  I’ve contemplated whether or not I want one of these.  I mean, I am a list person.  I make lists of things to do each day.  Lists of things for which to shop.  Lists for different projects at work.  Sometimes I end up making lists of all the lists I need to make.  But somehow, in all this list making, I’ve never made a bucket list.  Hmmm… kind of weird.

Despite my lack of a bucket list, I did decide the other day that there are many things I love to do, but never really take the time to do them.  I began a list, similar to a bucket list in the sense that they are things I want to make time to do as I go through life.  Yet, it is very different in the fact that I’ve probably done most of these things already and they aren’t really once in a life time things.  In fact, they are almost all things I wish I could do every day.   The title of my list you may ask….?

THINGS THAT BRING ME JOY

Who doesn’t want a little more joy in life?  Even when we are very joyful it’s nice to add a little extra.  So here’s what I did: 

I started this list a couple weeks or so ago.  I’m planning to write (or maybe print off the computer) each of the things on this list on a little card.   Then, I’m going to put them in a jar or dish or hat or something I randomly find laying around the house.  Each morning I’m going to draw a slip of paper from the container and try to do that thing in the day. 

Here’s my list so far:

Things that Bring Me Joy:

1. Make a card to mail to a friend
2. Go for a run
3. Go for a walk… and take your camera with!
4. Find somewhere to volunteer for an hour or two
5. Go for a hike
6. Write a letter to a friend
7. Call a friend you haven’t heard from in a while
8. Make something special for dinner
9. Call a friend and invite them over for dinner
10. Bake some bread from scratch
11. Wander through the blog-o-sphere
12. Go to Niagara Falls (for some this may be on their “bucket list” but for me, being that it’s only 20 miles away, I can basically do this anytime I want)
13. Go rent a movie to watch and pop some popcorn on the stove
14. Play your guitar
15. Write a silly song about something that happened today
16. Read a book
17. Go to the library and read a bunch of children’s books
18. Write a blog post.
19. Eat some ice cream
20. Get all dressed up for dinner (and either go out, or even just get all dressed up and stay at home.)
21. Take a bubble bath
22. Make plans for your next vacation (even if it is a dream vacation you may never actually take.)
23. Plant something
24. Cut some fresh flowers
25. Take some flowers to someone… just because
26. Find a kid to hang out with
27. Kickbox to some favorite songs
28. Go to the farmer’s market
29. Watch a sunrise
30. Go to the park and swing on the swing
31. Color in a coloring book
32. Be crafty… scrapbook, decoupage, crochet, etc.
33. Make some homemade paper
34. Find something to do in town that you’ve never done before
35. Go for a drive, roll down the windows  and turn up the music and sing along
36. Do something nice for someone or leave them a note… and do it all without letting them know or figure out who did it
37. Go lay in the grass and stare at the clouds (or, if in winter, go build a snowman)

My list continues to grow….  I plan to keep blank slips of paper near my container and add to it often. 

But I wonder… what would be on your list?  What are the things that if you did them everyday you would never get sick of them… the things that just bring a smile to your face… the things that may seem a little crazy or childish or whatever, but you enjoy doing anyway.  What would be on your list of “Things that Bring Me Joy”?

Okay… now go  make your list and start enjoying life a little more each day!

Digging through the Bucket: A New Perspective

Today I am featuring a post that I wrote two months ago. I was going to write a new post on the topic, but then I realized that this one said everything I wanted to say, and that many of you may not have seen it. Enjoy!

Do you remember the day that you first got glasses?

That's a pretty big day if you've experienced it.

It's almost as if an entirely new world is opened up to you. You see things that were hidden before. Colors that didn't exist suddenly permeate your field of vision. The world became brighter, more beautiful. You can finally see what everyone else has always been excited about, those things you've just had to imagine with your mind.

When you get a new set of glasses or contacts, it's almost like you get a new lease on life. It's as if someone has been holding a plastic bag over your eyes your entire life, and they finally remove it. It's a feeling that can't be matched.

If you haven't had the experience of getting new glasses because you've always been able to see the world clearly, count yourself blessed. There are many people who would pay a lot of money to be able to see the things that you see effortlessly. Though we don't always see it, sight is a blessing.

Take, for instance, this photo to the right. If you use a little imagination, you can see that this is a set of bright pink flowers. And sure, they could look pretty if you squinted a little, tilt your head about 62.3 degrees, and hop on one foot, but really, it's just your imagination. These flowers aren't really that pretty because, frankly, you can't see them. You're missing out on their beauty because something is hindering your sight (in this case, my malicious photo editing).



What's amazing, though, is the opportunity we're afforded when we get a chance to truly see what lies before us. It's as if an entirely new world has been opened up to us. Things are more clear, more crisp, and certainly more beautiful. Before, we could imagine the beauty, but now we can see it - we can experience it. We can almost taste the beauty. Before, you saw a few flowers that were probably pretty and were a nice thought, but now you can see clearly. Now you know what it's like to see the world through a new perspective.

And maybe that's what you need today: a new perspective.

Maybe today is the day you need to remove the old glasses you've been viewing life through, take a deep breath, and throw them away. And then put on a new set of lenses. You may be shocked by what you see. You may think the world is against you right now, throwing every stone they have your way. You're ducking, diving, and doing all that you can to avoid being hit. Maybe it's time to take off your glasses and try on some new lenses. Maybe you'll see that those aren't stones the world is hurling at you, but new opportunities to build something majestic. Maybe you'll see that this life isn't so bad after all.

Today, as you walk through your everyday routine - whether that's caring for your kids, working  your 9 to 5, trying to find a new job, or whatever it may be - take a moment and close your eyes. Try to refocus your perspective. Or better yet, put on a new set of lenses. See your world how someone else might see it. Look for the beauty that has been hiding behind the mundane routine of your life, waiting to be found.

And when you find that beauty, don't let it go. Never forget it. Hold unswervingly to it, and don't let anyone take it from you, because life is beautiful and it is worth living.

An Order of Shallow with a Side of Cliche

Today's second post is a book review of Dinner with a Perfect Stranger by David Gregory as a part of the Blogging for Books program. Enjoy!

Sometimes you pick up a book and you're excited to read it. You're excited to dive in and see what the author has concocted. And sometimes, you pick up a book and rejoice that it's only around 100 pages because you know it'll be over with soon enough. Unfortunately, David Gregory's Dinner with a Perfect Stranger falls under the latter category.

I was initially wary of this book because of its premise of having dinner with Jesus. I figured that the author was some lunatic who truly believed that he had encountered Jesus at McDonald's and that the book would be a detailed recollection of said insanity. Fortunately, Gregory's book is fiction, with a capital F.

You enter the conversation between Gregory and Jesus excited. Who wouldn't be excited to hear what Jesus would have to say over a nice meal at a restaurant that most can't afford? Unfortunately, the most interesting part of the dinner is the meal, as Gregory goes to great lengths to give us a vivid picture of the food he partakes in and the details concerning the restaurant. I suppose something needs to fill our minds, as the dinner conversation is rather shallow, cliche, and leaves something to be desired.

I knew from the moment I opened the book that what I was getting into would be rather brief and shallow - after all, how much can truly be said in 100 pages? Length is not the concern here, though. The topic of dinner conversation is rather uninspired, as if Jesus had simply read the first paragraph in each chapter of Lee Strobel's Case for Christ and failed to study the evidence behind the claims. Something tells me, though, that Jesus would have been a bit more thorough in his research. Sadly, I cannot say the same for Gregory.

If you're looking for a book that reminds you of the rich (though fictional) conversation that William P. Young's The Shack provides, look elsewhere .All you're going to find here is an order of shallow conversation with a side of cliche retorts. Nothing too fancy and nothing too earth shattering. Simply another book to line the bookshelf.

(I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review.)

Deja Vu

I know, I know. You missed me yesterday. I'm contemplating posting twice today to make it up to you.

Last Saturday, I posted a video of my sister rocking out on her guitar. I claimed that she was awesome, and a few of you agreed!

Well, folks, I'm here to shamelessly plug my sister one more time. The contest she entered with her song, "Impossible Dream," just began. She needs about a million votes (just to be safe), so would you be willing to help her out?

Just visit this link, register (it takes about 2 minutes), and then vote for my sister's video! If she wins first place, she gets $1,000 and promised to take me out to dinner... just kidding!

But I'm betting if you helped catapult her to first place, she'd be willing to donate money toward an Amazon gift card giveaway. And I'm betting I could match that. So whaddya say?

Check out my sister's video, vote, and share it with your friends. Together, we could all win something from this!