My Feathers Have Been Ruffled

This post is part of my weekly Time for Honesty. I do my best to share something that's on my heart that is honest, sincere, and transparent - something that will get you thinking and get you to be honest with yourself.

The other day I was perusing my infinite list of blogs, reading, enjoying myself, and probably drinking coffee, though I can't be sure (so don't quote me on that). Nothing too earth shattering arose, and I was okay with that. Until I read through K. Syrah's latest post over at Shoes Never Worn: "The Indie Writer/Indie Author."

Darn you, K, for ruffling my feathers.

(She does that sometimes, so if you're into that sort of writing, you should really check out her blog.)

Anyway, K was writing about being an Indie author, and ended her post with a quip that made a lot of sense to me, but made me kind of mad:

Of course, I say that because at this moment, money isn’t an issue, and if one has a full belly, and all the bills are paid, it’s easier to be righteous.

Now when I say that K made me mad, I really just mean she rattled my cage. Because frankly, I'm dealing with this right now, and I was mad that she brought it up and threw it in my face, as if it were no big deal. Don't mind the fact that it's completely illogical for me to be mad at her - after all, she has no clue that this is something I'm wrestling with right now.

Here's the deal: I've really been struggling with trusting God in my finances. This is something I've always taken a little pride in, because I don't want to care about money, so I let God take care of it. Typically, our budget doesn't add up and more goes out than comes in. But at the end of the day, we find ourselves blessed by God for trusting him with our cash.

Lately, though, things have been getting a little tighter. And suddenly, I start wondering. I start doubting.  

Does God care? 

Did I do something wrong? 

Is there a certain ritual I need to perform to fix all of this?

And suddenly, I want to take matters into my own hands. 

You see, that quote I posted from K really shook me because I've found myself beginning to back down from what I so firmly believed when I "had a full belly and all the bills were paid."

I've always believed in God's provision and frankly, He's always one-upped me when it comes to finances, always doing more than I could ever expect. However, lately, it seems like God has all but disappeared from managing our money. And suddenly, I want to stop giving radically. I want to start saving back our money, keeping it for ourselves, instead of supporting our beautiful Compassion children.

But then I'm reminded of my calling:

Give to those who ask.

Don't turn away from those who want to borrow.

Don't store up treasures on earth.

Don't worry about your life.

Don't worry about tomorrow.

Give, God says. Don't worry, He reminds me.  

Give. Don't worry.

I guess it's no coincidence that when Matthew pens those words, he talks about radical giving first and then says not to worry. It's like he knew what his readers would be experiencing as they read his admonition to give without hesitation.

I want so badly to be able to keep giving and enjoy it. And I'm trying. I haven't given up on God, and I guess I've just come to terms with the fact that God is still taking care of me. I'm just being selfish and I want more. Because, obviously, I deserve better. I'm entitled to his blessings. He owes me.

Wrong. Double wrong. In fact, that's all a bucket of lard.

I need nothing more. I deserve nothing better. His blessings are his to give, not mine. And God owes me nothing. In fact, I'm sure it's the other way around. I owe him. A lot. Everything, in fact. And so I keep giving. I keep trusting. I keep hoping. And along the way, I'm trying not to worry, because, hey, what good has worry done any of us anyway?

Did that quote from K hit home with you? Can you relate to my struggle here? Or do you struggle with trusting God for other things, beyond money? What are you having a hard time trusting God with today?

I'd love to hear from you about this (or anything else!). Just drop me a comment or an e-mail! And while you're at it, feel free to share this post with some of your friends!
 

One Question

This sickness is kicking the crap outta me. If you're into praying, I'd appreciate any long/short/quick/impromptu prayers you could say for me. Thanks in advance!

Today, I'm not feeling my best. But I want to leave something for you here, because I love you and don't want you to think I've abandoned you. So today, I've got one simple question for you:

If money were no object, where would you be and what would you be doing right now?

My answer?

Hopefully I'd be in a hospital, getting my lungs fixed. I realize it's a process, but hey, if money is no object, then maybe things would get done a little quicker. Ya know?

Let me hear your thoughts and answers to this question! Would you do something crazy? Or would you be somewhere vacationing? Or helping out somewhere? No answer can be wrong! Leave a comment and let me hear about it or e-mail me!

Let Your Money Do the Talking

I took some Tylenol before I went to sleep last night and I woke up feeling like I had been drugged. That can't be normal.

How rich are you?

No, seriously. Think about it for a second.

Think about the value of every single dollar that you earn.

It's hard to see when you're sitting next to the Joneses, who actually own the money-printing factory downtown, but trust me when I say these words: if you're reading this, then you're richer than you know.

Don't believe me? Check out this website. Just do it.

Here are my results, in case you were wondering (since this IS my Time for Honesty this week):

Now, granted, I don't feel like I'm in the top 12.5% of the wealthiest people in the world. But how I feel doesn't negate the fact that I am. And as a member of the group of the richest people in the world, I feel responsible.

That's $40. It's worth 118,000 Le in Sierra Leone.

I feel responsible to handle my money well. A dollar may not seem like a lot, but it's worth a lot more when you don't actually have it. And whether we like to admit it or not, every dollar we earn is going to go somewhere.

If you've taken a budgeting class, you've heard that before. You know that if you don't plan where your money is going, it's going to leave you anyway. That's the tricky thing about finances. We all want money, but when we have it, it leaves as quickly as it arrives.

That's all good and well, but the question here is what on earth am I getting at? I promise I have a point. And I promise it's important.

Let's think about what we know so far:

Numero Uno - We're rich. Period. End of story.
Numero Dos - We have money, and it's valuable.
Numero Tres - The money we have is going to get spent somewhere.

Now, maybe I should have said this sooner, but I hate money. I hate that we need it to live. I hate that it keeps people from living. I hate that so many people depend on it, as if money, in and of itself, can save us from anything. But there's a lot to be learned from where our money goes. Take this hypothetical situation, for instance:

Person A spends 5% of his money at church, 25% on bills, 50% on entertainment, and 20% on vacations.

Now this may not be even slightly realistic, but work with me here. Person A seems like a pretty rude, petty person. Sure, he gives 5% to his church, and he gets the bills paid. But 70% of his income feeds his own desires. What do you think he values most in life?

I say this, not to rip on people who take vacations or spend money entertaining themselves (because I love to do both when I can afford it), but to make a point.  

And that point is this: we spend our money in the places that matter most to us.

This may seem obvious, but think about it for a second. Even Jesus said, "Where your treasure is, there your heart will also be." Dude knew what he was saying.

This idea really gets to me, especially when I think about the way that organizations spend their money. Take, for instance, a hypothetical organization that supports small groups and building up people through that avenue.

This organization talks and talks about how important small groups are to their success. They even provide a little training and the occasional encouragement for small group leaders. However, when it comes down to it, they only invest $3 a person per year through this medium.

Do you really believe that they value small groups when you hear that?

I didn't think so. People put their money where their heart is. And that rings true for organizations, big and small, as well.

I say all of this, not to degrade or to discourage, but to raise awareness. Because, like we saw earlier, a few things are undeniably true:

1. We are rich.
2. Money is valuable.
3. That money is getting spent somewhere.
4. We spend our money where our heart is.

Be more aware of where you spend your money. Take a brief inventory where your money is going. It will reveal what you truly value in life, not just what you proclaim to value. And if you don't like what your finances reveal about who you are, change it. Ultimately, you're the only one who controls what you do with your money. Make every penny count toward what you're passionate about, not just toward what you think you're supposed to be spending your money on.

What do you think? Is there truth to this idea that we spend our money in the places that are most important to us? What do you think about being one of the richest people in the world? Do you think that makes you responsible to spend your money wisely? Or is your money your own business?

I want to hear your thoughts! Leave a comment or shoot me an e-mail! And while you're at it, Share this post with your friends - I want everyone in on this!