I'm Not a Werewolf

For those who might be wondering: my health has been doing a lot better as of late!

Something funny happened a couple of weeks ago.

I was lying in bed with my smokin' hot, beautiful wife, enjoying her company, and probably falling asleep while she was talking to me (because that's what all great husbands do, naturally). I couldn't tell you what we were talking about, but it was probably something to do with the fact that we think Hell may have taken up residence in Wichita with this ridiculous heat we've been having.

So, in the middle of our hypothetical Hell conversation, my wife stops, looks at me, and says something so out of the blue that I wouldn't have seen it coming if I had been married to her for a million years:

"You know, I think you've gotten hairier since we've gotten married."

As the words left her mouth, I began formulating all sorts of weird excuses - the first of which was "I'm not a werewolf, I swear." Ultimately, though, I won't ever win that argument, no matter how much I protest. She's my wife - she tends to notice these things. I, on the other hand, am oblivious to myself, because I spend every waking (and sleeping) moment with me.

So, if in the near future I stop posting and suddenly disappear for weeks at a time, only to be found in the woods, disheveled and stinky, you know what's happened to me. Hopefully, though, I'll just remain my typical disheveled, stinky self and my wife will like me anyway.

That poor girl.

Has anyone ever pointed out something about you that you've never noticed before? Are there quirky things that have changed about your spouse since you've gotten married?

I'd love to hear from you about this (or anything else!). Just drop me a comment or shoot me an e-mail! And while you're at it, share this post with your friends!

Why I Love Ice Cream

Disclaimer: This was originally a guest post on My Husband Ate All My Ice Cream. However, I thought I should post it here, just in case you missed it! Enjoy!

My marriage is funny.

Seriously, it makes me laugh.

First of all, my wife loves cooking. This is definitely not a problem. However, her favorite thing to cook is sweets. Baking is her niche.

This is where things get funny: I don't like sweets.

I can't help it. I'm a man. I like meat. Meat and potatoes, with a side of corn on the cob and a cold can of Pepsi, to be exact.

Now I've only been married for two years, so all of this is subject to change. But what I've learned over the course of the last two years (and the three years prior to that while dating my wife) is that if she likes something, and I don't, she's going to suck me in and make me like it anyway.

I can't help it. She's so darn cute.

The other day, I noticed that she has begun subtly invading my preferred meat and potato diet. It began with Easter. I always get a buttload of candy at Easter and I never eat it. Maybe I enjoy watching the chocolate bunny mold. I'm not sure.

My wife was determined to not let the candy go to waste, though. She proceeded to rectify my egregious wrong by putting out a bowl of candy in the middle of the living room, conveniently located within arm's reach of my favorite seat. That bowl is now nearing emptiness.

She's a tricky one, I tell ya.

I realized that this invasion of my diet had been taken to a whole new level a couple of weeks ago when she went grocery shopping for us. She usually does the shopping because I get lost, distracted, or forget where I'm going and come home without any food. And then we starve.

This trip, though, she asked me if I wanted her to buy me some ice cream. In our two years of marriage, we've never bought ice cream. But I did it. I approved. And the rest is history.

Now I realize that my wife's invasion of my diet is completely kosher. These things happen when you get married. Or maybe I'm the only one. Either way, though, this wasn't totally unexpected for me. Especially in light of a recent discovery that I made: my mother's ice cream addiction.

Now most people would describe me as being as skinny as a rail. But if I'm a rail, my mother is a toothpick. She disappears when she turns to the side. It's crazy! But every night before bed, she indulges in a big, fat bowl of ice cream.

EVERY night. Sick, isn't it? And her freezer is usually stocked with at least 3 kinds of ice cream. Who needs 3 different tubs of ice cream?!

Well, I'm convinced that her love of ice cream is a genetic thing, because after my wife bought that ice cream for me, I started doing the same thing. I started indulging in an overflowing bowl of cookies and cream ice cream every night, and I don't feel the slightest bit guilty about it.

Mmm... I do love my ice cream.

But it makes me wonder... What else is my wife changing about me without telling me?

I've got my eye on you, wife.

I'd love to hear your feedback from this post if you hadn't already read it! Have you noticed these sort of changes in your own relationships or marriage? What sort of things do you refuse to change, regardless of your partner's preference? What things have they changed as a result of what you like? Let me hear about it in a comment or an e-mail!

Woman Talk

I slept in until 7 AM. I must be sick or something.

Just out of curiosity... how many languages do you know?

5? 7? 2?

Or do you just know 1? (Hopefully no one knows less than that)

I think a lot of us fall under the same category that I'm in: a language "sampler."We know bits and pieces of about 10 different languages, but if we had to survive in a country that spoke any of them, we'd die.

It's not a bad thing. It's just how things are.

For instance, I know bits and pieces of Spanish, French, Chinese, and Krio. I also do know how to read Ancient Greek, but that's about as useful when speaking as knowing how to swim while standing on your head.

However, what I didn't realize until just recently is that I'm slowly learning a new language.

What's funny about this new language I'm learning is that it isn't really voluntary. I'm being immersed in it every day, without reprieve. But I need to know it to survive. And many others out there are going through the same thing right now. Some have only been learning for a few days, and others for decades. But none of us will ever truly master the language known as...

Woman talk.

I know what you might be thinking (if you're a woman, anyway). "We don't speak a different language! Guys just don't listen!" And you're probably right. But in our defense, we don't listen because we don't understand! It's like planting us in Japan and expecting us to navigate. It just doesn't work.

You girls speak a different language!

I have proof, too. Anecdotal proof, but proof nonetheless.

You see, my wife is a beast and loves to run. She's about 37 billion times more in shape than I am. And that's no exaggeration. So she tries to go running everyday.

One day, she went to go running right before we were about to leave to go somewhere. She looks at me as she's leaving, and woman talk starts pouring out of her mouth. It sounded something like, "I’m running 3 miles and then I want to leave." But I'm a woman talk rookie, so I can't be 100% sure. I've consulted experts, and they're still baffled.

Thankfully, though, God blessed me with a wife who knows that I'm as dumb as a rock when it comes to understanding what she's saying. So when that inevitable blank, confused stare passed from my eyes to hers, she nodded in understanding and translated for me.

What she said: "I'm running 3 miles and then I want to leave."

What she meant: "Shower while I'm gone."

Now just look at that. How could any sane human grasp such a ridiculous language? There's no pattern! It makes no sense! What does her running have to do with my personal hygiene?! I haven't a clue!

If you're a guy and you're reading this, you know what I mean. You're nodding your head in understanding as you read, and you're probably trying to figure out a way to crack their code. Don't worry, fellas, it can't be done. I've only been married 2 years and I know that much.

If you're a girl and you're reading this, you're probably shaking your head in disapproval. It seems obvious to you that when my wonderful wife told me she was going running, she meant that she wanted me to shower. It makes total sense to you! However, it does not, and will never, make sense to us guys. So be patient with us.

We're learning. Slowly... Very, very slowly.

(Crud. My wife just left to go run. Better get in the shower!)

Have you ever experienced something like this? Does your spouse sometimes say something that you know means something else? Any funny stories worth sharing about this? I'd love to hear about it in a comment or in an e-mail!